


i think i love you (i think you're the one)

by cecropia



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ;), Connor Deserves Happiness, Fluff and Smut, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Praise Kink, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, marked explicit because mature felt wrong lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 16:15:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20603672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecropia/pseuds/cecropia
Summary: And Connor’s comment was left unnoticed. Or, to anyone but Evan, it wasn’t even heard. It didn’t even register. If it weren’t for the fact that it caught Evan completely off guard, he could’ve just ignored it as well.All the presentation worries, all the daily stress and trivial bullshit bouncing around in his mind just. Had come to a complete halt, because.Connor Murphy thinks he’s ugly.





	i think i love you (i think you're the one)

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I haven't truly finished something I'm happy with since I came back to college but !!! here's this!  
shoutout to my bestie yellowmustard for being the greatest and inspiring me to actually FINISH THINGS  
tl;dr: connor thinks he's ugly. evan wants to fix that. 
> 
> thank u for reading!! enjoy!!! <333
> 
> come talk to me! c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a on tumblr :-)  


The seed of obsessive worry was planted in the form of an offhand comment, as most of Evan’s seeds of obsessive worry are. 

Evan hadn’t heard the entire conversation, honestly, too focused on the fact that he had a presentation the next period and that he was absolutely  _ certain _ he was going to forget what the presentation was even  _ about _ since he wasn’t allowed to have notecards or read off the slideshow at all and his partner was sick so he had to do it all by himself—

But breaking through that wall of thought was Jared’s nasally-ass voice, speaking at max volume even though the only people that even cared to hear him were literally surrounding him. 

“Wait, so then which Chris is your favorite? Pratt?”

Connor had scrunched his nose in disgust. “Ew, no. Too homophobic.”

“Pine?”

“Too… prince-y.  _ Into the Woods _ ruined him for me.”

“Hmmm…” Jared narrowed his eyes in thought, beginning to laugh at whatever he was about to say. “Walken?”

Connor smirked. “ _ Absolutely _ . God, that man is timeless.”

Jared gave him finger guns. “For  _ sure _ . Oh! I got it. How about Chris Evans?”

Connor’s gaze slid over to Evan’s for just a second. “That’s definitely a Chris I could get behind.”

Evan had felt his face heat up. He remembers looking away and stuffing a french fry into his mouth as Jared cackled in the background. 

“So you’d fuck Chris Evans but not Chris Hemsworth? You’ve got it all backwards, buddy. You  _ know _ Thor would rock your world.”

Connor had scoffed at him. “You’re saying that like either one of them would ever want to be within inches of me,” He laughed, gesturing at himself, “I mean, come on.  _ Look _ at me.”

“I’d fuck either of them,” Zoe had interjected, “Both if they were into that.”

And Connor’s comment was left unnoticed. Or, to anyone but Evan, it wasn’t even  _ heard _ . It didn’t even register. If it weren’t for the fact that it caught Evan completely off guard, he could’ve just ignored it as well. 

All the presentation worries, all the daily stress and trivial bullshit bouncing around in his mind just. Had come to a complete halt, because. 

Connor Murphy thinks he’s  _ ugly _ . 

And Evan notices it more throughout the next couple of days, the endless negative comments that seem to just spill out of Connor’s mouth about his appearance with no hesitation whatsoever. Things like  _ my stupid fucking giraffe legs  _ and  _ my hair just sucks, doesn’t it  _ and  _ I hate my huge-ass nose _ and _ I don’t think you’ll fit in my hoodie, I have fucking beanpoles for arms _ and it just. Doesn’t  _ end _ . He’d already known that Connor has low self-esteem, but this amount of casual self hatred... it’s enough to make  _ anyone _ spiral into a deep depression in a matter of minutes, let alone someone with actual clinical depression and probably something else undiagnosed. 

Naturally, Connor starts to pick up on the shift in Evan’s mood after a while. He starts reaching for Evan’s hand under the table more often, studying Evan for long periods of time when he thinks Evan isn’t paying attention. And he kisses Evan soft; gentle, because he knows Evan’s brain is at it again and he doesn’t know that he’s the reason. 

At least at  _ first _ . Evan’s a bad liar. 

And no matter how much Connor pries, Evan can’t bring himself to ask why Connor thinks he’s ugly. Because isn’t it basically Evan’s  _ job _ to make sure Connor knows he’s loved? Is this a failure on his part? Should he be— complimenting Connor more? Kissing him more? What is he doing so wrong that Connor doesn’t realize just how much even the sight of Connor’s face and skin and body makes Evan’s internal temperature rise by about a million and five degrees?

Connor’s getting sick of Evan’s moping, he can just tell. And when they get into Zoe’s car after school that Friday Connor gets out with Evan even though he  _ very _ obviously hadn’t told anyone this was the plan, not Evan and especially not Zoe, who gives Evan a weird look as he walks up the driveway that he pointedly ignores, and the silence is weird and tense as Connor follows him up the stairs to his room. 

The second the door closes, Connor whips around, arms crossed, and says, “You’re mad at me.”

“ _ No _ ,” Evan immediately protests, softening the guarded look in Connor’s eyes the slightest amount. “It’s— I don’t even…” He sighs. “That’s not it.”

“Then what’s  _ up _ ? You’ve been acting… fucking weird.”

“I know,” Evan admits, brows pulling together, crossing the room to sit on his bed. Connor hesitates a second, following suit when Evan doesn’t speak. 

“Sorry I’m being all… confrontational,” Connor mumbles. He’s pulling at his sweatshirt sleeves. “I didn’t mean to attack you, or whatever, I just...”

“No, it’s— I know you didn’t mean it. It’s alright. I just— I just like you a lot, and—“

“So you’re breaking up with me,” Connor says automatically, and Evan immediately looks up from his lap. 

“No, not even  _ close— _ “

“Well then what  _ is _ it?” Connor looks hurt. 

Evan looks away. 

“I really,  _ really _ like you, like so much it’s— so much that it’s kind of embarrassing, and  _ you _ think.” Evan laughs in disbelief. “That you’re  _ ugly _ .” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Evan notices Connor still completely. He can practically hear Connor’s brain immediately respond,  _ because I am _ .

“And, like… it just doesn’t make sense to me? You’re— you’re, like, actually the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen  _ ever _ ? And—”

Connor scoffs, rolls his eyes. “You are such a fucking liar.”

Evan immediately bristles. “I’m not, though—”

Connor shakes his head, scrunches his eyes shut. “No, you fucking— you don’t have to lie to me just because… just because I’m fucking  _ insecure— _ ”

“I’m  _ not _ !” Evan says too loudly, making Connor jump. He dials it back a little, staring down at his fidgeting hands and trying to ignore the guilt trying to crawl up his throat. “Just…  _ listen _ for a second. It makes me think… maybe— maybe I’m not… doing enough. As the person that gets to be with you. Because you’re, like… kind of one of the most important people in my life, and I just hate knowing that you don’t see yourself the way I do? Like, am I not— that’s  _ my _ fault, right? I should— like, should I be doing more to make sure you know how much I love you? Should I, like—“

Time slows. Connor’s staring at him wide-eyed through a gap in the hair falling over his face. Evan’s brain catches up to his mouth and he looks away for just a second, but just as quickly his eyes land back on Connor’s like he’s being drawn there. And Connor’s eyes are flicking between both of Evan’s, searching, softening, and he looks down for a moment before pushing the hair out of his face. 

He’s staring. Silent. 

“Is that…” Evan takes a breath. “I made that weird, didn’t I?”

And Connor’s just, like. Gaping at him. He blinks a couple of times, letting out this strangled little breath, and then he looks down at his hands, shaking his head. 

“I’m gonna make out with you now,” Connor says matter-of-factly, turning to pull Evan in with both hands tugging at the front of his shirt. 

And then Evan’s got Connor Murphy on his lap, straddling the fuck out of him and pushing him back against the headboard and like, Connor really wasn’t lying. He is honestly,  _ truly _ making out with him. But it’s not messy or uncoordinated like Evan had imagined, it’s controlled. Slow. Deliberate. Connor’s lips sliding over Evan’s with such delicacy he’s sure he imagined it, and then sliding his hands up Evan’s jaw to nestle in the hair at the sides of his head and connecting and reconnecting their lips with such an intensity it makes Evan’s head spin. 

“I love you too,” Connor mutters between kisses, a declaration so quiet that Evan almost misses it. He takes in a sharp breath when Evan’s teeth graze his bottom lip. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Wrong.” Evan takes a breath, nudging Connor’s lips open with his own. Connor gasps just a little. “Love you so much—  _ mmf _ , you’re so hot it’s stupid,” Evan responds against his mouth, and it’s more of a breath than anything else, but it makes Connor smile regardless. 

“Shut the fuck up,” He says back, hands on Evan’s cheeks again. It has the desired effect, though, because Evan shuts the fuck up and focuses more on caressing Connor’s lower back and hips and thighs, relishing in the little huffs of breath Connor lets out against his lips. And then Connor’s sitting up on his knees, hovering above Evan’s lap and stroking his cheeks with his thumbs, only to lower himself back down with a little twitch of his hips and a broken whine coming from the back of his throat. 

“Pretty,” Evan whispers against Connor’s mouth, a brush of lips, and Connor scoffs.

“Thought I told you to shut the fuck up,” Connor breathes out, trying to act serious, cheeks and ears red and hot, a beautiful flush heading right down the collar of his shirt.

“ _ You _ shut up, you’re  _ pretty _ ,” Evan replies just as breathlessly, running his thumb across Connor’s bottom lip. Connor’s eyes darken just a bit. “You’re like, so pretty it’s unfair.”

“Final warning, Hansen,” Connor chides, although his tone is soft and gentle, almost embarrassed. A smile begins to creep onto his face as he leans closer. 

“Or what,  _ Murphy _ ?” Evan teases.

Connor doesn’t respond, smiling lips still pressed hard to Evan’s, and then he pushes a warm hand underneath Evan’s shirt, skimming his fingertips over his back and pulling him close, and. And then Connor’s pulling on his shirt, hitching it up to his hips and pressing his thumbs into Evan’s waist and Evan bites back a groan, pushing back from Connor to practically rip his shirt off of his own body except it isn’t remotely that successful and Connor has to help him get his head through the head hole and pull it off of him which doesn’t turn out too bad, actually, because then Connor throws the shirt across the room and runs both palms down Evan’s chest. 

“Shit,” Connor exhales, shaking his head, and then they’re kissing again and Connor’s pulling at his own shirt and Evan’s just not having any of that. 

“My turn,” Evan mumbles, leaving one more kiss on Connor’s mouth before he sits back, sliding his hands up and down Connor’s sides and trying not to audibly moan at how Connor’s got his lips parted, hands glued to Evan’s forearms and hooded eyes trained on Evan’s. He pushes Connor’s shirt up to his waist just like Connor did to him but slower, and then he pulls him closer, lifts his shirt enough for Evan to press a kiss to his sternum. He drags his lips along the dips and curves of Connor’s chest, leaving kisses here and there, and he hears Connor’s breathing become shaky by the time he finally lifts Connor’s shirt over his head. 

“You’re stupid,” Connor tries to say defensively, but the little quiver in his voice gives him away. He pushes back the hair that’s started sticking to Evan’s forehead. 

“Well, you’re, um…” Evan starts, and Connor’s mouth quirks up. He licks his lips and Evan loses his train of thought for just a second. “You’re stupid… stupid  _ hot _ . So.”

“You’re just gonna compliment me to death from now on, aren’t you?” Connor deadpans, sliding his hands down Evan’s neck, across his shoulders, over his collarbones and down his arms. He’s trying to distract, trying to make Evan forget his train of thought again but it’s not happening. Two can play at this game. 

“Yep. I am.”

“Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? Like, if it’s not genuine, what’s the point?”

“Who says it’s not genuine?” Evan asks a little defensively, a little mopey. He trails his fingers down Connor’s spine, smiling softly when Connor’s skin breaks out in goosebumps. 

“Well, I mean— like—“ Connor breaks off in a frustrated sigh, taking hold of Evan’s arms. He pushes them to Evan’s sides, sliding down his arms to entangle their fingers. “Okay, so if you’ve got it in your head that I’m  _ insecure _ or whatever, you’re constantly gonna be searching for reasons to compliment me that aren’t even… necessarily  _ true _ , y’know? Like… you’re basically lying to make me feel better if it doesn’t come from a place of immediate reaction, right?”

Evan blinks at him. “Okay, but like… every time I see you I have to tell myself not to get a boner. Like, I have to repeat that in my head until I— until I stop. Thinking. About things.” Evan clears his throat. “And, um. I know I don’t always say it, but… I’m, like. Constantly complimenting you in my head? Like, this morning I could tell that you showered last night and… once I stopped thinking about you in the shower, um—“ Evan stops to laugh. “I was like,  _ wow, his hair is— his hair looks really shiny today _ . And of course I didn’t, I didn’t say it because, uh… I thought it would be kind of stupid to just casually be like, _ oh hey, you’ve got shiny hair today _ , because that’s dumb, right? So I never really, um… voice… those things…”

When Evan looks up, Connor has his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He’s trying not to smile. 

“Long story short, you’re pretty. So. There.”

Connor’s quiet for a long time. It’s probably only a minute or so, but it’s long enough that Evan starts to become fidgety under his gaze and ends up picking at Connor’s nail polish and attempting to shape it into a tiny black heart. 

He feels Connor’s forehead press against his and shuts his eyes, a long, shuddering sigh escaping Connor’s chest. Fingers land on Evan’s jaw, so softly it’s like they’re not even there. 

“Cool,” Connor says, voice so so small, and it’s such a Connor thing to say that Evan laughs once in disbelief. 

“You’re unbelievable,” Evan mutters, kissing Connor’s cheek, and then once on his jaw, eyes fluttering shut when he feels Connor’s nails rake gently down his back, breath tickling Evan’s ear. He kisses down Connor’s neck, mentally recording the sound Connor makes when he grazes his teeth over that one sensitive spot and saving it for later. And then he drags his lips slowly over the spot where his neck hits his shoulder, smiling against the skin when he feels Connor’s Adam’s apple bob against his cheek. 

And then Connor’s huffing out a breath and snaking a hand between them to palm at the ever-prevalent bulge in Evan’s pants, and. And. 

That’s not  _ fair _ . 

Evan tells him that through a mouthful of Connor’s shoulder and Connor laughs, momentarily victorious. 

“You’re… you’re incredible,” Evan breathes out against Connor’s neck, lost in the feeling. “Like, seriously… you’re amazing, Connor. Fuck.”

And he feels Connor seize up for a second, but then he relaxes against Evan and starts touching him with more intention. “Mmhmm, whatever you say.”

Evan groans at the contact, briefly distracted. “No, but—  _ mmf— _ like, actually. You’re just— the best. Ever. Actually the best.”

He doesn’t know why he’s so chatty all of a sudden, but he just loves this stupid boy so much and he hasn’t forgotten about his goal. 

“You’re talkative,” Connor observes, pulling back to rest his cheek on Evan’s forehead. And then Evan moves so Connor’s forehead is pressing against his own so he can capture Connor’s lips in a quick, messy kiss. 

“And you’re…  _ fuck, Connor _ … you’re, um— I just love you a whole lot.”

And then before Connor gets the chance to answer Evan’s kissing him again, hands resting on Connor’s suddenly very warm cheeks, and Evan’s not sure if it’s the angle or the fact that Evan’s got his tongue in Connor’s mouth but Connor makes that pretty noise in the back of his throat again and. 

“You gotta stop,” Evan warns him, and Connor’s hand freezes against him. 

“Why?”

“Because…” Evan shivers. “If you keep making those fucking noises, I, um. Y’know. Yep.”

Great. Good sentence, Evan. 

Connor reddens even more, licks his lips. “You really…?”

Evan nods almost too quickly. “Yeah. Fuck.”

Connor lets this happy little breath out through his nose, shaking his head, and then Evan doesn’t know what gets into him in that moment but Connor pushes his hair off his fucking forehead and then Evan just  _ has _ to climb on top of him, has to touch him fucking everywhere because he can’t contain this feeling of giddiness he has. 

Connor lets out a little noise of surprise. “Evan, what—?”

“You just— you don’t even  _ know _ ,” Evan shakes his head, pressing kisses to Connor’s neck, “You have no idea just— just how irresistible you are? You’re so—“ He shakes his head again. “You’re just. You’re so great, Con.”

“Stop,” Connor laughs, but he cranes his neck so Evan has better access. “Shut it.”

“Never,” Evan says right back, eating up every little sound Connor makes. “I will literally never stop until you realize how beautiful you are. And, like, I won’t even stop after you realize it. It’ll just— I’ll always tell you, because you deserve to know.”

“Evan,” Connor breathes out. 

A kiss below his ear. “You make the  _ best _ sounds. In the entire world. I really— I love how you say my name, honestly. That sounds— it sounds all conceited but, like— fuck.”

“Ev, shut  _ up… _ ”

“You love it,” Evan jokes against Connor’s neck, but then he  _ whimpers _ and the sound goes straight to Evan’s dick and. 

His brain does that GPS thing where you accidentally take the wrong road and it takes a second to catch up with what just happened and then it has to recalculate. That’s where Evan’s brain’s at. 

Evan snakes a hand down to rest on Connor’s tummy. “Wait…”

“No, shut up.” Connor’s voice wavers. He rakes his nails down Evan’s back.

“Connor.” 

“Just… keep talking.”

“But—“

“Evan,  _ please _ .”

There’s no arguing with  _ that _ . 

It’s over pretty quickly after that whole situation, the combination of Evan’s whispered  _ so beautiful _ and  _ you’re incredible  _ and _ you’re so good for me _ (one of Connor’s personal favorites) and Connor’s sinful fucking whimpers and sighs and gasps making it hard for either of them to hold on much longer. 

And there’s teasing, after that. A lot of teasing. But also laughing, and holding each other, and tangling limbs and soft kisses and pretty soon Evan feels Connor’s gentle breaths even out against his neck. 

And he takes a moment to run his fingers over Connor’s eyebrows, down his cheek, across his lashes, the bridge of his nose… and just appreciate all that he has right here in front of him. 

And when he finally falls asleep, it’s the best sleep he’s had in a long time. 


End file.
